Developing good social skills for our teens (and ourselves) isn’t something we should take for granted.
Why?
- With good social skills, you can wow university and college interviewers
- With good social skills, you get jobs and promotions faster
- With good social skills, you don’t get overlooked, underestimated, or misunderstood
When it comes to social skills, the smallest cues can have an incredible impact on how other people perceive you.
(Then there’s Elon Musk, giving us a clear example that there’s nuance to this and there are exceptions to the rule.)
Here are 12 counterintuitive insights about social skills I’ve learned over the years working with hundreds of students:
- Small talk is great. I don’t always like it, but it isn’t a waste of time. When you’re first meeting someone or starting a new conversation, this is the time to get a sense of the other person, get to know each other, and establish a rapport over shared interests. Don’t miss out on a small but significant way to open up a great interaction.
- Everyone seems to be saying, “I’m socially awkward” or “I have social anxiety” these days. Some people may have some sort of diagnosis, but for the most part, you can work on your social skills, and it will transform your life.
- Learn to say no. The right way. We all need to be able to set boundaries to teach people how we want to be treated and what we aren’t okay with. You can be polite and you don’t have to be mean. Here’s something to try: “I appreciate that, but I would prefer to try a different way instead.”
- Poor social skills are like bad breath. If you even think yours are bad … they’re likely worse. If it isn’t something you’ve considered, everyone could stand for a little improvement.
- Social Genius Role Model: Pick someone you admire and pay attention to their social skills. Notice how they carry their hands, the way they speak, the words they use, and try to apply one thing. Is that awkward? Maybe. What I think is more awkward: Never taking steps to improve your social skills.
- Sometimes, the best thing you can do is LISTEN. Enough said.
- Giver or taker. Most people either take over an entire conversation by talking 80% of the time, or they leave it all up to someone else by only talking 20%. Which one sounds like you?
- Be interested. Naturally, people like to talk about themselves. If you ask people about themselves, they’ll find the conversation more interesting. You can ask questions about their weekend, their family, projects they’re working on, and more.
- Being shy doesn’t mean you’re doomed. The book “Personality Isn’t Permanent” by Benjamin Hardy completely changed my outlook. As a recovering shy and socially awkward person, believe me when I say you can improve your social skills.
- We all communicate differently. Acknowledge and master the different modes of communication, from verbal to physical.
- Laughter is the best medicine? I love deep conversations. In fact, I generally prefer deep conversations about the meaning of life, our education system, and philosophy over most other topics. But a bit of humour can keep a conversation from getting bogged down by being too serious.
- Elite-level social skill: Poking fun at yourself in a charming, warm, and yet competent way.
We’re all sitting in front of our computers and phones all day anyway, so when are social skills actually valuable?
- If you’re in school, when you’re applying for colleges, universities, professional programs, your first job
- If you’re starting your career or want to move up, when you’re trying to explain why you’re the best fit for the role at your dream company or when you’re negotiating your salary
The first time we do something will likely be our worst attempt. That’s normal! We don’t expect babies to start running right away if they’ve only ever crawled.
We develop and master skills over time and with consistency. Don’t let the voice in your head talk you out of progressing and making improvements.
So how do you develop those skills? Practice, practice, practice — the smart way.
As for the ‘how’, stay tuned – it’s coming!
Make it an exceptional day,
Francesca Cadhit
